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Shadowseverywhere
His meat
"Your voice makes me tremble inside, and your smile is an invitation to go wild".
annonymous
i am owned property, bought and collared by Strong Eagle (also known as A.J.) of the Sacramento Valley, and He and i are part of a larger Leather Family of poly loved ones. He Co-Hosts the "T" newbies group, and we are the founders of "Southern Cross", the San Jose based group. We produce major events,host munches, play parties, gatherings at Edges, Field Trips and "Subspace" (we have shirts and bags!).We both teach classes and volunteer regularly for other groups. A.J. co-founded "Talons" Dungeon in the Sac area. i write essays and artcles about BDSM. Master creates and sells Eagle Canes through Leather Masters or by private order. We have separately or together raised over $6,000.00 for kink Charity causes nationwide.We never planned such a public BDSM existance, but our joy in "the scene" led us down this path.
As of April 10, 2007, Master and i are proud to announce we are the Founders and new Co-Directors of the Santa Clara County MAsT Chapter.
annonymous
i am owned property, bought and collared by Strong Eagle (also known as A.J.) of the Sacramento Valley, and He and i are part of a larger Leather Family of poly loved ones. He Co-Hosts the "T" newbies group, and we are the founders of "Southern Cross", the San Jose based group. We produce major events,host munches, play parties, gatherings at Edges, Field Trips and "Subspace" (we have shirts and bags!).We both teach classes and volunteer regularly for other groups. A.J. co-founded "Talons" Dungeon in the Sac area. i write essays and artcles about BDSM. Master creates and sells Eagle Canes through Leather Masters or by private order. We have separately or together raised over $6,000.00 for kink Charity causes nationwide.We never planned such a public BDSM existance, but our joy in "the scene" led us down this path.
As of April 10, 2007, Master and i are proud to announce we are the Founders and new Co-Directors of the Santa Clara County MAsT Chapter.
10 August 2009 @ 10:19 pm
22 June 2007 @ 12:15 am
If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.
21 June 2007 @ 08:44 pm
Its party time!!!
Ya want another *Super late* party at Edges till 2am?
Ya wanna play with your friends AND have guest beaters you can try out?
Ya wanna get a cutting?
Ya wanna have spaghetti?
Ya wanna get a photo of that guy INSIDE a COFFIN?
Ya wanna take a GUN PLAY seminar?
Ya wanna do dress up photos?
Ya wanna have some low carb dinner?
Ya wanna come and go with a hand pass?
Ya wanna learn to do FIRE PLAY?
Ya wanna have Unk fry ya somewhere?
Ya wanna have dessert?
Ya wanna watch the belly dancers?
Ya wanna get your shoes shined?
Ya wanna Have fruit salad and green salad?
Ya wanna close cheap hotel to stay over?
Ya wanna have VIPER throw a single tail at ya?
Ya wanna have COURTNEY play with ya?
Ya wanna get nekkid? Ya wanna see some other folks getting WILD?
Ya wanna do it all for $20.00?
If ya wanna... then DO IT!
Must be a member of Edges prior to 7/7/7....
http://southerncrossca.blogspot.com/2007/0
Permission to repost appropriately to other kink groups in the Bay Area.
Welcome friends of EDGES!
We are gearing up for a GREAT July 7th 2007 event!
Planning includes a FULL day for ONE LOW PRICE of $20.00
Special this year:
Edgy Education from 2-6 PM.
**GUNPLAY**
**SINGLETAILS by Viper**
**Custom Cuttings from SOL of San Diego**
**FIRE PLAY with Don Rush**
Classes during the day, a BBQ included, and having the WHOLE DUNGEON open so that YOU can play with your partners as well as getting to play with some of the most well known Tops in the scene.
All for ONE PRICE of $20.00 per person (must be Edges members).
Our "guest beaters" celebrity list includes many of our local favorites and some long distance surprises such as "Alchemy of Fire Play" with LA's Don Rush. Returning Guest Sadists include Miss Courtney, Miss Vicki, Steve Bower as auctioneer, Uncle Abdul , Miss "P", Photos in the coffin/hearse, belly dancers, bootblacks in the chair, Dress up photo area, and more! Come Have Some FUN!!!!
You know how this works- come pay one price, eat, go to the class/seminars , donate for charity beatings and cuttings, come to the auction, watch the dancers, Play, Play, Play and go
home at 2am exhausted!
Come join us for a FULL DAY with BBQ
** for $20.o0 per person **
(must be an EDGES member) from 2 pm to 2 am
with the folks that throw the BIGGEST and the BEST Dungeon parties in the South Bay!
Presale tickets available
PRESENTER BIOS
IN & OUT privileges with hand stamp
Assisted by Leather Masters, Proud Sponsors of Edges, the South Bay's Premiere Play Spot.
misscourtney@sbcglobal.net or
msbehavoyeur@yahoo.com for more information
~ Want a special Cutting? Contact Sol at DSNSATION@AOL.COM to make arraingements. Sol will be doing cuttings for charity and have flash art available to choose from at the event~
~~ Want to Demo? We *might* need 1-2 people for classes. Let us know if you are interested. Volunteers always welcome. Southern Cross, a loose knit group of friends that like to HAVE FUN thank everyone that supports us in our various enterprises. ~~
Edges Silicon Valley Play Space: Private Rentals, Play Parties, Classes
http://www.edges.biz 408-496-1132
Membership Registrations are not sold at the door of Edges parties!
They can be purchased only at non-play, or educational events, and occasionally by special appointment.
To arrange an appointment please call (408) 496-1132 or write to events@edges.biz
The general public is NOT permitted into Edges events.
This is what keeps us truly private &protects our fun!
Please have your Edges membership card ready to show at the door.
If you are not an Edges member, you must RSVP as the guest of one,
sign a release form and present valid picture ID at the front desk.
All Guests Must RSVP or Arrive With Their Sponsoring Member
Adults 18+ only. No ID=No Entry. No Exceptions.
Please remember the limits of consent and respect.
No cell phones, cameras or recording devices allowed.
All Illegal Drugs/Sex Solicitations are Prohibited On Premises
(nor may anyone solicit/engage in "pay for play" at Edges)
We are gearing up for a GREAT July 7th 2007 event!
Planning includes a FULL day for ONE LOW PRICE of $20.00
Special this year:
Edgy Education from 2-6 PM.
**GUNPLAY**
**SINGLETAILS by Viper**
**Custom Cuttings from SOL of San Diego**
**FIRE PLAY with Don Rush**
Classes during the day, a BBQ included, and having the WHOLE DUNGEON open so that YOU can play with your partners as well as getting to play with some of the most well known Tops in the scene.
All for ONE PRICE of $20.00 per person (must be Edges members).
Our "guest beaters" celebrity list includes many of our local favorites and some long distance surprises such as "Alchemy of Fire Play" with LA's Don Rush. Returning Guest Sadists include Miss Courtney, Miss Vicki, Steve Bower as auctioneer, Uncle Abdul , Miss "P", Photos in the coffin/hearse, belly dancers, bootblacks in the chair, Dress up photo area, and more! Come Have Some FUN!!!!
You know how this works- come pay one price, eat, go to the class/seminars , donate for charity beatings and cuttings, come to the auction, watch the dancers, Play, Play, Play and go
home at 2am exhausted!
Come join us for a FULL DAY with BBQ
** for $20.o0 per person **
(must be an EDGES member) from 2 pm to 2 am
with the folks that throw the BIGGEST and the BEST Dungeon parties in the South Bay!
Presale tickets available
PRESENTER BIOS
IN & OUT privileges with hand stamp
Assisted by Leather Masters, Proud Sponsors of Edges, the South Bay's Premiere Play Spot.
misscourtney@sbcglobal.net or
msbehavoyeur@yahoo.com for more information
~ Want a special Cutting? Contact Sol at DSNSATION@AOL.COM to make arraingements. Sol will be doing cuttings for charity and have flash art available to choose from at the event~
~~ Want to Demo? We *might* need 1-2 people for classes. Let us know if you are interested. Volunteers always welcome. Southern Cross, a loose knit group of friends that like to HAVE FUN thank everyone that supports us in our various enterprises. ~~
Edges Silicon Valley Play Space: Private Rentals, Play Parties, Classes
http://www.edges.biz 408-496-1132
Membership Registrations are not sold at the door of Edges parties!
They can be purchased only at non-play, or educational events, and occasionally by special appointment.
To arrange an appointment please call (408) 496-1132 or write to events@edges.biz
The general public is NOT permitted into Edges events.
This is what keeps us truly private &protects our fun!
Please have your Edges membership card ready to show at the door.
If you are not an Edges member, you must RSVP as the guest of one,
sign a release form and present valid picture ID at the front desk.
All Guests Must RSVP or Arrive With Their Sponsoring Member
Adults 18+ only. No ID=No Entry. No Exceptions.
Please remember the limits of consent and respect.
No cell phones, cameras or recording devices allowed.
All Illegal Drugs/Sex Solicitations are Prohibited On Premises
(nor may anyone solicit/engage in "pay for play" at Edges)
19 June 2007 @ 12:00 am
Dirty rhymes..
limerick (LIM-uhr-ik) noun
A humorous, often risque, verse of five lines with the rhyme scheme aabba.
[After Limerick, a borough in Ireland. The origin of the name of the verse
is said to be from the refrain "Will you come up to Limerick?" sung after
each set of extemporized verses popular at gatherings.]
"First of all, the limerick judges at this newspaper would like contestants
to know that we are acutely aware that 'Journal' rhymes with 'urinal.'
Almost as much fun as reading limericks was reading excuses from the
people who wrote the limericks. It was as if we had caught someone
reading the Sex With Aliens Weekly at the supermarket. Diane Harvey, of
DeForest, for example, began her entrant thusly:
'It is with a deep sense of shame that I submit the following puerile,
low-brow limericks and confess the guilty pleasure I had in writing them.
As one who normally leads a completely respectable life, I cannot tell
you what an illicit thrill it was to shed the trappings of responsible
adulthood and for a 'brief shining moment' indulge in rude juvenile
humor once again.'
"Several writers put the 'Journal-urinal' rhyme to obvious use, and a few
similarly included good-humored critiques of columnist George Hesselberg,
as in the one by Dan Barker, of Madison:
There once was a parrot named 'Colonel,'
Who read all the papers diurnal.
But his favorite page
On the floor of his cage
Was the Hesselberg page from the Journal."
As to the Nantucket gal..
she had a bucket, fell down, broke her tuffet and said..
well, you know.
What's YOUR favorite limerick??
limerick (LIM-uhr-ik) noun
A humorous, often risque, verse of five lines with the rhyme scheme aabba.
[After Limerick, a borough in Ireland. The origin of the name of the verse
is said to be from the refrain "Will you come up to Limerick?" sung after
each set of extemporized verses popular at gatherings.]
"First of all, the limerick judges at this newspaper would like contestants
to know that we are acutely aware that 'Journal' rhymes with 'urinal.'
Almost as much fun as reading limericks was reading excuses from the
people who wrote the limericks. It was as if we had caught someone
reading the Sex With Aliens Weekly at the supermarket. Diane Harvey, of
DeForest, for example, began her entrant thusly:
'It is with a deep sense of shame that I submit the following puerile,
low-brow limericks and confess the guilty pleasure I had in writing them.
As one who normally leads a completely respectable life, I cannot tell
you what an illicit thrill it was to shed the trappings of responsible
adulthood and for a 'brief shining moment' indulge in rude juvenile
humor once again.'
"Several writers put the 'Journal-urinal' rhyme to obvious use, and a few
similarly included good-humored critiques of columnist George Hesselberg,
as in the one by Dan Barker, of Madison:
There once was a parrot named 'Colonel,'
Who read all the papers diurnal.
But his favorite page
On the floor of his cage
Was the Hesselberg page from the Journal."
As to the Nantucket gal..
she had a bucket, fell down, broke her tuffet and said..
well, you know.
What's YOUR favorite limerick??
07 June 2007 @ 10:25 pm
Last week at this time i was *scared*, and hurt, and angry, and afraid, afraid, afraid with tons of things on my mind and no place to put them...
but as usual, by keeping things in i made them worse.
Sometimes, when you love someone, you don't say things to them because you don't want to hurt them. You think that what you have inside will be mean, or painful, or will reflect poorly on you, or will change the way they view you, or will sway them, or will change things for the worse.
So you keep them inside.
slaves shouldn't do that.
it hurts.
It hurts.
Repeat that after me
It hurts.
So when i finally got a handle on my deep, severe, cascading, going round and round down the tubes depression and realized that i had a lot in my head that i had not told Master, and that if i kept it inside i would DIE, well, i actually did the thing i swore to do every day of my life when i signed that contract.
i gave Him transparency. i told Him EVERY bad thing, every fear, every painful moment that i had been living with and what i did not want to say because it might hurt HIM.
He, of course, already knew it was all in there.
Foolish me.
He knew what i was thinking, He knew what was bothering me, He knew what kinds of future fears i have, He knew everything except what i had for breakfast that morning.
God i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him, i love Him,
i will serve that man until i die and blow away into dust. NO ONE should treat me that good- NO ONE should have been that full and kind and healthy and His ego never got in the way of the conversation and i just feel like such a heel.
He has the biggest heart. He has the calmest voice. He has the most wonderful gentle soul. He takes care of me better than my parents, better than anyone i have ever met. i don't deserve such a wonderful person owning me. i will NEVER be able to make it up to Him for all the safety and love and joy. The last 4 years have been the BEST years of my entire life, and most of the best moments have been with Him.
So i better keep reminding myself of that the next time i hide something, hu.
30 May 2007 @ 07:44 am
Friday (day after tomorrow) marks 4 years since Master and i laid eyes on each other.
We were "done" at that moment, and have been together ever since.
But things change.
i didn't want to be collared-- it scared me too bad to think.
i didn't plan on being changed forever- it would have scared me to bad to try.
i didn't know that i could lose myself so completely in another person.
i can't go back, and i can't go forward.
And Master can't help me anymore- for right now- maybe forever.
i have questions He doesn't want to answer, and if i ask, we are done.
He has needs i can't fulfill, and desires that conflict with owning me.
~~~~~~~
i am not closing this-- maybe tomorrow i will want to be different *again*, or find another path *again* or will have some ephiphany or God will turn back time or i will die or the world will stop revolving spinning silently in space.
Nothing is guaranteed.
i needed just one guarantee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
~ Anais Nin
"Bottoms have appetites that are their own, whereas slaves' needs become the same as those of the Master." - Guy Baldwin
~ Audre Lorde
"The Master is an artist , His slave the clay, with the whip He will shape her , with humility He will mold her, Some will admire her, But only the Master, not even the slave, will know her true beauty, for her true beauty lies in her love for her Master." - J. Yednak
"Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater." - Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer
"There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked."---Yaldah Tovah
"Submissives need to be told what to do. Slaves need to do what they are told."
“Every Act of Creation is first of all an act of destruction.” Pablo Picasso
30 May 2007 @ 07:28 am
What loneliness is more lonely than distrust? -George Eliot (Mary Ann
Evans), novelist (1819-1880)
29 May 2007 @ 12:44 am
Well, i *thought* i was gonna make it through the 3 day weekend in one piece, but darling family had to push all the envelopes and not take the meds...
and we blew up big time at 5. Got it sorted out by 9, and all was well by 10 pm bedtime, but i cannot take too much more of this stuff... the yelling, the failures to just do what they are supposed to, the BS and forgetting the meds and forgetting to feed the boy all weekend-- once Stu starts handing himself all alone for a day or 2, getting him to accept parent orders and follow the rules is *hard*...
i can't get that lesson through.
So the poor kid collapses afterwards and now can't get to sleep anywhere but with me cause we had Dr. Who on with some episode about a dead boy in a gas mask (WWII LONDON) taking over everyone asking "Are You my mummy?" and freaked him out..
luckily spouse has moved back out to the coach to sleep so i have the room in my bed...
of course, that means that i needed to just *stay up* and sort myself out-- watched way too much "Joan of Arcadia"-- most sad sweet thing i know--- and found this gem:
WARREN ZEVON
Keep Me In Your Heart
written by Warren Zevon & Jorge Calderón
Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile
There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for awhile
These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Keep me in your heart for awhile
~~~~
Remember i love You---- sleep well...............s
28 May 2007 @ 04:51 pm
"It would be nice to think love would be enough, but its not. My mother used to say "Love doesn't feed you"........and I always took the meaning to be that you have to be practical in life and not be overly romantic. And I thought her to be the most cynical person, but now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I take it to mean that there are so many things you need in life and in a partner to make you happy and to make your life fulfilling. Love without real chemistry, communication, common values, common goals, respect, and purpose..........can ultimately make you miserable. You can be miserable with someone you love deeply. I have been and I know now that I wouldn't want to repeat that. "
Deviant bitch, bondage.com
i wonder how many of us have or are living with love- but not happiness.
Deviant bitch, bondage.com
i wonder how many of us have or are living with love- but not happiness.
24 May 2007 @ 09:49 am
THIS is the kinda stuff that i am rolling in..
Watch the sun,
As it crawls across a final time
And it feels like,
Like it was a friend.
It is watching us,
And the world we set on fire
Do you wonder,
If it feels the same?
And the sky is filled with light
Can you see it?
All the black is really white
If you believe it
As your time is running out
Let me take away your doubt
You can find a better a place
In this twilight
Dust to dust,
Ashes in your hair remind me
What it feels like
And I won't feel again
Night descends
Could I have been a better person
If I could only do it all again
And the sky is filled with light
Can you see it?
All the black is really white
If you believe it
And the longing that you feel
You know none of this is real
You will find a better a place
In this twilight
Nine Inch Nails - In This Twilight Lyrics
Watch the sun,
As it crawls across a final time
And it feels like,
Like it was a friend.
It is watching us,
And the world we set on fire
Do you wonder,
If it feels the same?
And the sky is filled with light
Can you see it?
All the black is really white
If you believe it
As your time is running out
Let me take away your doubt
You can find a better a place
In this twilight
Dust to dust,
Ashes in your hair remind me
What it feels like
And I won't feel again
Night descends
Could I have been a better person
If I could only do it all again
And the sky is filled with light
Can you see it?
All the black is really white
If you believe it
And the longing that you feel
You know none of this is real
You will find a better a place
In this twilight
23 May 2007 @ 07:47 am
"(The bad thing about an anal retentive researcher and avid collector is that we don't know when to stop compiling data)". shadow
The words above belong to author William Styron, and they describe his first episode of major depression.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If untreated, it grows progressively more severe, with later episodes lasting longer than early ones.
The timing of episodes varies. One can go years without depressive symptoms, then suddenly the fog descends again. Often it’s because of some new stress. ....Magnetic resonance images show that people with chronic depression have a smaller hippocampus—which helps regulate stress, emotions, and our response to fear—than matched controls.
Let It Go
It is this deep blankness is the real thing strange.
The more things happen to you the more you can't
Tell or remember even what they were.
The contradictions cover such a range.
The talk would talk and go so far aslant.
You don't want madhouse and the whole thing there.
- William Empson, poet.
~~~~~~~
This image symbolizes the psychodynamics of depression. Briefly, the depressed individual's problem is that he (she) depends too much on parents or parent surrogates for emotional nurturance to feel secure and worthwhile. Like a young child, his significant others seem much larger than life and possessed of everything he needs to feel fulfilled and happy. When he is being loved by these all-important, omnipotent-seeming others, he feels good about himself and is self-confident (God is in His heaven and all is well with the world), but if he perceives that he is displeasing, being disapproved of, or, much worse, being rejected and abandoned by them, he feels helpless, lost, unbearably alone, and devoid of all worth. Because he derives self-esteem through dependent attachment to significant others, if they turn their backs on him or he loses the connection in some other way, his self-esteem deserts him.
The basic depressive conflict is that because the individual depends so mightily on his all-important others, he empowers them with the capacity to exert tremendous influence on him, and when they do this in ways that he finds frustrating, he begins to resent and feel angry and hostile toward them. These are very threatening feelings. He cannot express them, or even allow himself the critical thoughts that they give rise to, since he dare not risk doing anything that might displease the objects of his dependency and make them go away. Thus, instead of directing his anger and hostility at his all-good others, he turns it back against himself. If they are all-good, and they are turning away from him, then he must be a worthless, all-bad person. He becomes extremely self-critical, full of guilt, and, if his anger and hostility are intense, he may subject himself to painful punishments. In worst case instances, when all seems lost and there is no relief from the pain of unremitting helplessness, he may end up committing suicide.
Often, as a kind of life-saving mechanism, the depressed individual may find substitute sources of dependent gratification in the world around him. If he cannot get his needs for emotional nurturance met by some important person, he sometimes gets them met through dependent attachment to alcohol and/or drugs, which at least temporarily give him the feelings of security, self-worth, and self-confidence that he cannot find within himself. Because he uses such substances to lift himself out of depression, when their effects start wearing off, the depression returns, so he is driven to take more and more of the substances. As time goes on, due to the ruinous effects that alcohol and drugs have on all of his involvements, he has more reason than ever to be depressed, and a vicious-circle pattern is established.
( Pink Floyd style )
i think i run outta room on this post...
22 May 2007 @ 07:11 am
Waking up alone- got Paul Williams running through my head today, possibly the saddest song writer ever published (although for sheer pain "At 17" still takes the Academy Award).
i am not allowed to listen to Janis Ian~ her brand of agony strikes too deep with me.
Everyone knows Paul Williams.... even if they don't.
Start with "We've Only Just begun" and junp to "Evergreen" "That's what friends are for" "You and me against the world", "The Rainbow Connection" (Kermit the Frog), and throw in 3 Dog Night, David Bowie, Sinatra, and a few others. He's more popular than Rodgers and Hammerstein.
Here's a great interview:
